LIFE

I'm beginning to realize what I may have missed out on while being a mother for the past four years. Don't get me wrong I've loved every minute of it but I really feel like I need a vacation AWAY from all the stress of home and finances. Does anyone else feel this way?

I've felt like this for eight months now, but I've been on some medication because it got to the point that I was screaming at the boys and not wanting to do house work. Another thing that let me know something was going on was when a friend of mine asked me why I would want another baby. I've told her from time to time that I would like to have three and to try for a girl when the time was right for us again. She comes back to tell me that I was being selfish, now why on earth would I be selfish when I said I would wait til the time felt right again. I know emotionally and financially that we are not ready for another. Then I start crying and start the whole thing about me being as young as I am with two kids when it wasn't planned that way.

I really just have a WHOLE mess of things in my head that, well, are somewhat confusing because I want to take off with my kids with or without my husband to just start over somewhere, meaning that I'd like my husband to get a different job. I HATE HATE HATE that he works third shift, I'M TIRED!! I want him home. I don't sleep well period. Plus he works nights comes home in the morning then goes to bed and I'm with the boys ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT. It gets very tiring after awhile.

And just having recently been fired from my part time job and becoming a stay at home mom again has been rough on me. I loved being away from the house for about four to five hours. It was a very nice break and now I can't get that. One thing good that did come out of this was that I started babysitting, kinda cheap but it's helping her and myself out.